


you remind my heart of a lie i wish i never told

by thislilalien



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: F/M, and because they match, ish, it's another fic based off of an alan walker song because i am a sucker for those, so well, takes place before the great battle, warriors canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:00:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28342779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thislilalien/pseuds/thislilalien
Summary: An Alan Walker songfic based off the songI Don't Wanna Go.Describes Squirrelflight's thoughts on her and Bramble's relationship during Omen of the Stars.
Relationships: Brambleclaw/Squirrelflight (Warriors), Firestar/Sandstorm (Warriors)
Kudos: 7





	you remind my heart of a lie i wish i never told

**So here we are**

**Like we were two feet apart**

**In different worlds**

_The truth about the three was bound to come out sooner or later,_ Squirrelflight muses as she returns from a patrol. She pads to the fresh-kill pile, ignoring the way her heart clenches when she sees Brambleclaw talking animatedly with Greystripe and the way they both pointedly turn away from her.

_He’s so close and yet so far._

_We used to be mates, and now look at us._

**No need to say another word**

**No, I should leave**

Squirrelflight understands her clanmates’ anger. She had broken the warrior code in one of the worst possible ways.

But what hurt most was how Brambleclaw seemed intent on ignoring her, and punishing her for what was out of her control. _He’s controlling,_ a whisper in her mind that sounded suspiciously like Ashfur murmured. _Gaslighting you. Making you doubt yourself and your judgement of what you thought was right in the moment._

**But I don't wanna go just yet**

**'Cause I'm not really over it**

But even if Brambleclaw was this terrible cat, even if Brambleclaw was making her doubt herself and all, the entire clan was doing the same with their whispers and gossip.

_Should I leave because of that?_

She exhales, tearing into a squirrel furiously. _I can’t. Not while I still have something to live for. Not while I still love him._

**You remind my heart**

**Of a lie, I wish you never told**

This is what their relationship has become. A mix of anger, sadness, and lies.

 _He’s lied to you the entire time,_ the voice whispers. _He never truly loved you._

_But I’ve lied to him the entire time, too._

_How can I ever look at him after all of this without thinking about the lies that we told, that I told, the lies that our relationship was based on in the first place?_

**But it's all I've got**

**Just five more minutes and I'll go**

_If worst comes to worst, I’ll always come running back to Brambleclaw,_ Squirrelflight thinks, one night when she can’t sleep, and immediately berates herself for it.

_I’m independent, I don’t need him!_

But she thinks about all the times that they’ve argued, and she wonders just how many of those times, she came running back because of the ever encompassing guilt.

_He’s controlling, he’s wrong for you, he’ll do worse in the future._

Squirrelflight doesn’t listen. _Just a little longer, then I’ll leave for good, even if my heart is shattered._

_Not like it hasn’t been already._

_Not like it’s already too late._

**Same old song like an echo**

**'Cause I know I'm better off alone**

**It hurts my pride, and I really know**

**I shouldn't stay, but I don't wanna go**

The voice nags at her for days. She probably is better off without Brambleclaw, without a mate. That _was_ the problem that’s currently making her ostracized by the clan. That _was_ the problem that caused this whole mess in the first place.

And for the first time in what seems like forever, she feels _free._

_But if he’ll ever forgive me in the future, I’ll always come back to him._

_That’s the problem._

_I_ can’t _leave._

**Now that I know the way it ends**

**The words we chose, irrelevant**

_This is how it ends,_ Squirrelflight thinks desperately as the clan battles with the Dark Forest cats, a few days later. _I’ll die, and so will Brambleclaw, and I’ll never get a chance to tell him that I love him, that our little hissy fit wasn’t right._

 _You’ll never get a chance to leave,_ the voice corrects.

_I can’t believe I’m fighting to the death and yet I’m still thinking about Brambleclaw._

**Let's just pretend a little bit**

**I know I should leave**

**But I don't wanna go just yet**

**'Cause I'm not really over it**

The battle ends some time after, and she’s too relieved that Brambleclaw ( _no, now Bramblestar_ ) is alive, for a cat who thought that she would die only a few minutes prior, for a cat whose father just died. _He’s always on my mind,_ she reflects with a scowl. _And now I’m the deputy, and I can’t tell if this is part of some diabolical plan to get me back or some shit._

_If it is, it’s definitely working._

_I know I should leave, and yet now, how can I?_

**You remind my heart**

**Of a lie, I wish you never told**

**But it's all I've got**

Squirrelflight tries to stay away from Bramblestar and his new titles, and the way that power seems to be making him different.

_If he was controlling before, this is ten times worse._

_It has to be the way that his very presence makes me feel guilty._

_The way that he constantly reminds me that we’re not mates anymore. The way he constantly reminds me that it’s because of the lies I told, when he was just as guilty._

**Just five more minutes and I'll go**

**Same old song like an echo**

**'Cause I know I'm better off alone**

**It hurts my pride, and I really know**

**I shouldn't stay, but I don't wanna go**

_Just a little more, and I’ll leave. Just a little longer._

_I just hope that I can hold on for long enough._

**Just five more minutes and I'll go (five more minutes and I'll go)**

**Shouldn't stay, but I don't wanna go**

**Same old song like an echo (I'm better off alone)**

**It hurts my pride, and I really know**

**I shouldn't stay, but I don't wanna go**

And yet Squirrelflight decides, after the flood, that she’s staying with Bramblestar. She can’t live without him (despite, well, everything).

 _I’ll be back,_ the voice hisses as she makes her decision. _You’ll regret staying with Bramblestar. You’ll regret it. He’s dangerous._

She ignores the voice after that, and it doesn’t come back.

_You’ll never be free from him._

_I’ll be back._

**Author's Note:**

> mkay, so, don't get me wrong, I love bramblesquirrel (and Bramblestar he's literally my favorite character from the entire Warriors series).
> 
> It's just that I think their relationship is more than a little dysfunctional.  
> It's like at first, the Erins really put thought and effort into bramblesquirrel, but then, they have to ruin it with Bramble and Squirrel arguing, and make it so that Bramble's suddenly this horrible cat ( _ahem, Squirrelflight's Hope, anyone?_ ).  
> Suddenly, Bramble is controlling, gaslighting Squirrel over and over, making it out so that she's always conflicted with either going to him and blindly following whatever he says, or doing stuff that she feels is right, which I hate.
> 
> (spoilers for the broken code ahead!) 
> 
> And then, now, with the whole _situation_ where Squirrel tells ~~the imposter~~ _him_ that blindly following orders isn't loyalty, the thing is that Bramble himself sorta expected that, too (ahem, Squirrelflight's Hope, although I like to think that the book isn't canon, bc seriously. The clan leaders can't wait a single fricking moon? And Squirrel is the only one with an ounce of sympathy? wtf.).
> 
> So I'd like to say that while I love bramblesquirrel (I literally have a WIP focusing on time travel with that ship being the centre of everything!), I think that in canon, the Erins did not do the best with them.  
> (I'm sorry to anyone who disagrees, heck, I used to absolutely hate when people brought up that Bramble was bad, we can argue in the comments)
> 
> And yeah, this is another fic based around an Alan Walker song because they all seem to fit bramblesquirrel so well.  
> \ (o_o) /
> 
> (sorry about the long rant-y author's note, i just feel very strongly about this topic)  
> (this is my first songfic, so please give feedback!)  
> (i accept any and all criticism)


End file.
